Resistance is Futile

Recently my six year old son has been going through a phase of what I find to be over the top (mind numbing infuriating) resistance.  When asked to brush his teeth he whines and says he's too tired and his body wont move, he proceeds to throw himself on the floor and when told to get up he half assed lifts his head and chest off of the floor and then flops back down and says "I can't, I'm too weak".  This little scene will play out for fifteen or twenty minutes each night for a simple two minute task.  My response to him is "you know that you would have been done with this fifteen minutes ago if you'd just done it when I asked, right?" 


Over the years I've learned a few things about parenting and one of them is that children reflect their parents and that  they are our mirrors, so naturally I started looking at what my husband was doing to cause this behavior.  He too of course offers up his own version of mind numbing infuriating resistance to the most rediculous things (school policies, bills that need to be paid, picking the kids up, really the list is endless).  So this must be his fault that my son is the way he is so I must of course attack and berate him for it so that he will become aware of his fatal flaw and fix it so that my life will be again peaceful and perfect (if it isn't of course it must be his fault again and the pattern must repeat until he makes my life perfect).  Ah life is good.  I have found the cause and the solution.

Except that life isn't all that good at the moment.  I have an uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach that I can't put my finger on.  The joy that I used to feel seems to be missing a bit and there seems to be more work than time and I don't know if what I am spending my time on is what I should be spending my time on... and my monkey mind is going on and on and on, on the treadmill.  Time for meditation. 

Meditation for me can be a proufound deep experience where I gain a lot of insight or it can be the half assed attempt I make at if for the day because I can't settle my body or mind long enough to go into a deeper state.  Lately it's been the latter and I've been telling myself it's ok to get up in the middle of it to do or go or be something or somewhere else.  You being so much smarter than me, can probably already see where all of this is going, but for me it took a bit more (I'm the sort that needs the hammer to the head approach to get some things).  So today, I did my morning yoga and laid there in deep relaxation and allowed myself to actually meditate (the real kind, not the half assed kind) with this question "what do I need to do to bring the joy back?" The answer was given to me as usual in a way that I could hear it, so it started with having me look at what I find wrong and annoying about my husband and his resistance to so many things, big and small, and I was feeling so smug and superior and wondering why he can't see this for himself and then my guides very gently reminded me "what is it that you are resisting?  What you see in others is a reflection of yourself."  Huh! That was sobering! The pedestal I was standing on came crashing down and my tiara went flying from my head and I was kneeling alone and humbled with the question "What am I resisting?" 


Some answers came right away and answers will continue to come to me over the next few days so that I can release that energy and the programming or beliefs that may have led to my resistance (if you want to know more about how to do this for yourself sign up for Meditation I, shameless plug I know) but I can tell you that the joy and ease are starting to return. The judgements that I have been holding against my husband and son are starting to dissipate and I have gratitude that they were there to show me on such a grand scale, so that I couldn't miss it, the small things that I put so much time and energy into resisting.

Please feel free to share your thoughts or places where you have been in resistance so that it may help someone else to see something they would have missed.


Cheryl Barry